Dear February...

Dear February,
Although I hate to say it..the sound of your name does not = love in my heart. In fact...I have hated you. I hate you every year. You linger long past your welcome. And to be honest, your welcome on February 1st is only because we have to get through you to get to March. Yes Feburary, I use you every year.
This year, February you have brought more suffering and grief than normal I think.
A beautiful woman in our community was killed by her soon to be ex husband when she met him at his work to discuss custody of their two children. The story in the news is that when she pushed him in the chest he hit her in the head with a hammer. She then picked up a chair (wouldn't anyone at that point?), so he decided to grab a metal pole and hit her until she died. He then preceded to change her status updates on Facebook so people would think she was still alive. Classy February....
You also brought the news of cancer to my workplace. Three times. You couldn't have spread those out to months when the sun is shining for more than 9 hours?
You did bring a welcome move forward in my own custody battle for my child. Only to tell me that all the months of waiting prior to you have bit me in the ass and are now going to be used against me. A much awaited assessment was finally released..which apparently doesn't give a judge enough proof to rule in my favor. Now he thinks taking a four year old to a counselor to see what she says may be the answer. And what will she say to the counselor? I'm not sure but this month she's told me that daddy says "mommy left daddy so she could be with lots of other boys," and "mommy it's not nice to tell lies..you lied and said that I don't love daddy and I don't want to see him anymore." Why would it ever be ok to put that on a four year old? At this point, February you may be back again before my divorce and custody battle is finalized.
Another issue I have with you February.. Valentines Day. Now I am loving my singleness at the moment February...so why do you have to throw a curve ball in that? And why do we have a whole day to try and pretend like men are nice and loving...us single ladies all know that that the good ones have all been taken, and the ones that aren't taken well...that's a whole different blog. You've also decided to throw old demons my way again. I can see you laughing.."having a hard month Laura? Let's see how you handle THIS one!! Post-Valentine's day chocolate hangover? I'll sneak this in under the radar."
As the snow has melted at the house, although not enough to drive in the driveway yet...I've discovered that the roof needs work. I know someone who is willing to work on it, but was accused of having a fling with him because he's willing to help me and cute and single. That MUST equal fling! I'm not sure how it was decided that he was cute, because as far as I know, my ex has never seen him. I was told that I would be taken to court if I let him work on it. So I took out my anger while cleaning the stove and shower up there. Someones got to get the house ready!
Oh February.. you haven't been all bad.... I got to go to an amazing Tyrone Wells, Keaton Simons concert and discovered some new music that I love. I also met some cool new people that attend "The Porch." Another emergent church in the area (I think I got that lingo right?). I feel like God is moving in this city and it excites me. Vintage has began a study in 1st Peter click here to listen....http://vintagefc.com/teaching/. Our pastor has done an amazing job so far of helping me see that there is nothing I can do to earn or lose God's love and that I need to allow God to fill my heart with this fact rather than trying to find satisfaction in relationships, things, or sucesses. When my heart is full of God love, he is able to use me to do his work in this city.
I was also able to go down to Bob and Jenn's for a weekend and NOT feel uncomfortable hanging with my ex's best friend and his wife. They were gracius hosts who fed me my first steak and seafood dinner in over a year, and entertained me. It has been so long since I've been with long-time friends and we decided to not let it be so long between visits next time.
My parents came over last weekend, and my Dad and I hauled 800 pounds worth of frozen grass clippings to the dump. There is NO way I could have done that alone. Isabella loved playing with Grammy Weese during this time and she got some major doll playing time!
I'm sure I'm forgetting some good points February, but really after this month it's hard to focus on the positive.
The positive is...that March is starting on Sunday.
Only four more Fridays until Spring Break.
Isabella FINALLY got her first hair cut! And also now know's all the words to the Mama Mia Soundtrack. "money,money, money..it's a "mich" man's world."
My Dad will know soon if he is going to be able to transfer to Spokane this summer.
I am living and learning and living again..and still learning.
I serve a God who loves me even when I mess up and someday I will live in heaven with him to never ever suffer through another February...
So thank you February for moving on. See ya..bye, bye...maybe next year you'll be nicer to me. ~Laura